My Hijra

I have always wanted to wear hijab since I was in Foundation and I’ve always wanted to learn more about my religion but my surrounding at that time wasn’t really supportive. So I kind of ‘postponed’ the intention.

It all started with a crisis that I faced when I was in 2nd year, an undergraduate student in International Islamic University Malaysia. I must say that was really REALLY a big test for me.

I didn’t share my problems with my Uni friends at that time. So basically you can say that I faced the obstacles alone. I kept it inside. Didn’t wanna tell anyone. Well I did tell my non-uni friends about it, only two of them, and my mom but I didn’t really share the whole thing you know.

That thing that has happened back then was really an eye opener for me. I’ve learned a lot from it. 

So what made me turned back to Him? How did I find out my peace? :)

Like I said before, I was alone. I faced the obstacle alone and kept it inside. It was really really a hard time for me. I even thought of changing to another university because I couldn’t stand it. I was weak. BUT, that was how I found my peace and strength :)

First of all, I started to wear the hijab exactly like the one He orders us to. I started to cover my chest. And then slowly, I turned to Him. I complaint to Him. I started to make Him as my best friend. The One I share my problems with. Wherever I go I always have this conversation with Him, like let say I wanna drive back from Uni to home, so in my heart I would say:

“Ya Allah, let me arrive there safely for You’re the best Protector”

And, because of that, I started to depend on Him, and I became strong. I never thought I could be that strong. You know why? Because I kept telling this to myself;

"Don’t worry, you may not have anyone right now, but if you remember Him, He will remember you and will always be with you" 

Since then, the crisis was like some dusts on my shoulder I could just wipe it off just like that. And also, one of the many things that has kept me going strong was this;

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

I read this somewhere and I was like:

"He wants good for me? Really? That’s just awwwww :””) " 

haha well, I love to talk myself so yeah. And yes. It really touched my heart :)

As some might have already known that I love to walk alone in the university. Anywhere I go I don’t mind going alone by myself. And guess what? That was one of the many things that has helped me in changing myself to be better. Because whenever I am alone, I remember Him. I trained myself to remember Him because by that I know, He will remember me. I wanted to be loved by Him so much that I trained myself to do things which He loves.
So basically one of the many simple things to do is to remember Him as often as I could. And trust me, by remembering Him, you will always have this peace and comfort in your heart and you will forget all of the problems you have in this world.

So you can say after that, my focus was not on the problems anymore. My focus was to gain His love. So what did I do?

I started to pray on time. I started to pray in congregational. I used to hate praying in congregational because you know, the imam will take a long time to recite the al Fatihah and other surahs, but surprisingly, the love for praying in jamaah has started to blossom in my heart and until now, the love is still in me and I thank Allah for that <3

And after that, in order for me to not cling to any of these weak worldly stuffs, I refrained myself from watching movies and listening to songs (for quite some time). Love songs especially. Because it will only make you weak. Even I changed my radio station to Ikim. No longer listening to flyfm, hitzfm etc. Also, I was afraid of going back to jahiliyah life so I unfollowed all those nonsense ( twitter + tumblr + facebook ) accounts and started to follow all the Islamic accounts only, especially on twitter. So that whenever I check my timeline, there will always be something that reminds me of Him. And another one, I just had to mute some of the people that I follow on twitter who just can’t stop cursing -.- hehe Sorry, but it was for my own good.

Anyway it was really a struggle for me to pray on time. At the very beginning, there were times when I purposely delay my prayers. Like you know,

“10 minutes more, I just need to rest first, just 10 minutes more and then I’ll pray”

And every time, I kid you not, every time I purposely delay my prayers, there will be news about death or earthquake. And earthquake is one the many signs of The Hour , how scary… :/

BUT! because of that, my struggle of trying to pray on time became easier. It’s like, His way of ‘helping’ me get what I mean? :) Sweet isn’t it? :) <3

So, that’s just how I came crawling back to Him? Now, how did I istiqamah (and still trying) in everything that I do?

Well, firstly, when you enter a new ‘club’ alone, you gotta make friends right? Yes, that’s what I did. I made friends with the pious people because I know they’re the ones who can lead me closer to Him. And you know what, mashaAllah, they really helped me in terms of shaping my character and my understanding of Islam. I’ve learnt a lot from them. Such beautiful characters mashaAllah. And I can say that they were the reason why I wanted to beautify my character. They inspired me, a lot :)

And those girls are my precious pearls I would never want to lose <3

Okay, secondly, I attended as many Islamic lectures as I could. Far or near, night or day, alone or with friends, I would still go because I know by doing that I will inshaAllah obtain His love. And at the same time the angels are there and my sins will be forgiven too. Plus, I wanted to be the chosen one by Him to attend Islamic lectures. Haha so much for wanting His attention huh?

Wait, you know that feeling of disappointment when you’re trying to seek someone else’s attention but they just ignore you? Yep, with Him. You will never be disappointed <3 trust me. So seek the attention of the Creator instead of the creations :)

Lastly, I must say the next hadith has got to be one of the strongest reasons why I wanted to istiqamah (and still trying, make doa for me <3) in everything:

Rasulullah saw said: "The deeds most loved by Allah (are those) done regularly, even if they are small." (Bukhari, Muslim)

Soooooooo, yes, you can pretty much say that my journey was all about attaining His pleasure and I really ( hope + inshaAllah + please make doa for me <3 ) that I will get it as I’m still working hard to attain His love, inshaAllah. Let’s do this together shall we? :)

Sometimes, when I flash back and remember the catastrophe I had to encounter 2 years + ago (it happened in 2012), I didn’t regret it happen. Not a single thing for it has led me to what I am today. Everything happens for a reason. And every good and bad thing comes from Him. And I believe that was one of His ways of guiding me back to Him. Whatever it is, you just have to be positive ;)

So I guess that’s just it. Now I want to list down some of the lessons that I’ve learned throughout this beautiful journey which I hope will inspire you inshaAllah :)

• Focus on building a strong relationship with Him. Stop depend on creations. You know when you’re sad you tend to listen to music that is suitable with your mood at that time? STOP. Stop doing that. It doesn’t help you to be strong. It will only gonna make you weak. Your soul will become weak. Why do I say this? Let me share a few lines from Nouman Ali Khan’s khutbah:

“All of us are seeking something. Because you are always in need of something you are weak. Allah needs nothing. And then you go and seek those things from anything other than Allah and all of those things are also weak.
We are weak because the people we ask from, and the source we expect from they are also weak. When we learn to ask from Allah who is strong we will become strong. We are weak because what we ask from is weak.”

Now do you get me? So, take a break from whatever it is that you like to depend on and start making Him your source of strength. And always consult with Your Maker no matter what. Even it is just:

“Ya Allah, should I buy this black shoe or the red one? Help me Ya Robb only You know what’s best for me”

Yeap.

• Make 5-daily-prayer your top priority. Whatever happens, pray first. Always train yourself to feel uncomfortable when you hear the azan 15 minutes ago but you still haven’t stepped on your prayer mat. Plan your day around salah time. Always, I mean it, always plan when and where you’re gonna pray next. If you can plan when and where you’re gonna have your lunch or dinner, why can’t you plan for your salah, right? Because that way if anything happens you already know the place you’re gonna pray. And please, you know that you can pray ANYWHERE. Not just your room. There is always the nearest musolla and there is always the nearest masjid. Wherever you go, just be alert of those two and of course, the prayer times. That way you don’t have to rush looking for one. And if you’re dealing with unimportant stuffs like watching your favourite tv series, scrolling your (twitter’s + instagram’s + facebook’s) timeline, etc, please, that thing can wait. But not death. So pray first! :D

• Find friends who want to go on this journey as badly as you do (but don't leave your old friends, they NEED you, and you NEED new friends). If you’re not that friendly then force yourself to be friendly. No matter how lame or loser you think these pious people are, know that they are the ones who will help you getting closer to Him. And they are the ones who will pray for you no matter what. Because why? Your motive and theirs are the same, which is to please the Creator. That way, whatever good deeds they do, they’ll invite you. You need to ask for those kind of friends. If you’re sincere in coming back to Him, I’m pretty sure He’ll help you and will send you them.

  Let me just share you this one hadith and its very brief description:

Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend”

Humans have always been social creatures and in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives is spent in interaction with others. For us Muslims, the issue of choosing the right companions is essential for preserving our Deen. Befriending righteous and virtuous Muslims is an essential means for staying on the straight path.

From Imam Suhaib Webb’s website:

Good friends who prioritize their relationship with Allah will help us on the spiritual path. It is easier to pray and to do our everyday acts of worship because we have company to help us. Even when we face difficulties, these friends will support us; ultimately they will remind us of Allah during these tests and help us to rely on Him. No one is perfect, and this is why it is important to be around people who want to improve themselves, and in the process will help you to improve yourself too.Ibn Hazm stated:

 “Anyone who cares about your friendship is willing to criticize you, while those who make light of your faults show they do not care.”

Plus, it’s always fun knowing other people’s weird characters and learning their life experience :)

• Don’t grief whenever hardships strike upon you. Know that He has His attention on you. Well, of course it is hard when you’re in trouble but as for me, one of the many things that has kept me going strong throughout this adventure was:

Allah's Apostle said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn."  

And of course, first time I read this I was like :’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’) haha -.-

But yes, don’t grief. Always be positive. And don’t get angry. Even it is just... let say, you wanna go out but your car is being blocked by another car. Don’t get angry. This might be one of His tests for you. And remember that every good and bad thing comes from Him. If it’s bad, it’s a test, a means of purifying yourself :) if it’s good, it’s a blessing inshaAllah. I saw this somewhere on my dashboard:

“The more test you are facing, the more sins you are reducing”

“Say Alhamdulillah even for the bad. As hard as it might be to believe, it could have been much worse”

True, no? So always, ALWAYS believe that whenever you’re in trouble, big or small, it is Him trying to remove your sins. Isn’t that sweet? Don’t you want your sins to be removed and cleared? I know it’s not that easy to remain calm but why don’t you apply this in your life and see what happens, yea? :)

Pretty long essay don’t you think? Haha this is my second time writing my story as the first time, half or should I say almost all of it went missing -.- so basically I’m rewriting this again. It’s okay, maybe He was testing me the other day :)

I really hope this will inspire you inshaAllah and please don’t praise me, make doa’ for me instead as I’m still struggling to stay on this straight path and to istiqamah in everything. To end this, I wanna invite you to join this beautiful adventure of mine in obtaining His love, shall we? :D

If I have free time, inshaAllah and biiznillah, I will share my story from not-wearing-socks-and-handsocks to fulltime wearing them :) and if you have any questions, feel free to ask hehe ;>

By the way, don’t you notice that earthquake is everywhere now? Something to ponder upon 

Till then, assalamualaikum lovelies :)