When we can't forgive..

Know that there's a sickness in our heart.

Orang yang senang menangis in public tak semestinya dia tu mempunyai hati yang lembut. Mungkin menangis tu salah satu cara dia nak lepas kan geram or marah.

Macam mana hati orang yang lembut ni? Hati orang yang lembut is the mix of these two; easy to forgive and mudah menangis. Mudah menangis to whom? To Our Creator. One very obvious example is our Prophet SAW. He forgave everyone who has wronged him though he never do harm to others and Rasulullah juga mudah menangis. While everyone was sound asleep at night, Rasulullah bangun malam untuk qiamulail and he cried to His creator. He complaint his worry and sadness about his ummah to His creator. Maybe ada banyak cara lagi untuk tahu jenis hati yang lembut but this is my way of understanding, this is how I understand it, so I'm here to share it with you. (Please note that this is an experience-based talk)

Maybe if we believe that everything happens by His will, every tests you face, every unpleasant human being's behavior, is all a test from Him, and a way of purifying your sins, it will be easy for you to let go. Let go of what? Let go of whatever it is that is bothering you; anger, rage, sadness, etc.

Trust me, I've learnt the hard way. I've learnt that even perangai manusia is a test for you. True, bukan senang nak sabar dengan kerenah manusia, but that's how you can practice patience. Sabar, fikir that this person is sent by Him to test your patience so you can practice your patience in order to be a better person. Sabar, fikir that mungkin this person is a test for you to purify your sins. Don't you want your sins to be forgiven by Allah? I do.  

And, forgive. Untuk apa nak forgive? Untuk Dia. Sebab apa? again, everything happens by His will, so benda yang jadi tu mesti bersebab. Mesti Allah let that thing to happen ada sebab. So, in order for us to gain His pleasure, redha lah dengan apa yang jadi. Be a servant yang whatever happens pon, no matter how bitter it is to swallow you will be able to have patience. Senang je cakap kan, sabar. Tapi senang ke nak sabar?

Senang if we are grateful. Grateful macam mana? Kalau kita fikir, ada orang kena test lagi teruk dari kita. We would be so grateful with our test kalau kita tengok our brothers and sisters in Syria, Palestina, Sri Lanka, Rohingya etc yang kena test lagi teruk dari kita. Latest news, adik beradik yang hilang parents in a split second sebab accident. Tinggi dugaan dorang, nak compare dengan kita ni, apa lah sangat. Nak compare dengan dugaan faced by our Prophets tu lagi lah, macam macam kerenah manusia they had to face. Yet they remained patient. Kita ni, apa lah sangat? Memang la rasa sakit. Dah nama pon test, a trial for you, to see whether this trial will make you closer to Him or the other way round. To see macam mana character kita untuk handle test ni.

Ever heard of these sayings?

"Forgive others as much as you want Allah to forgive you''

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart"

"Forgiveness is a gift you gift to yourself"

Now why are these quotes stated that forgiveness is something related to ourselves and not the person that has wronged us? It is because forgiveness is a cure. A cure for what? A cure for your heart. 

• When you forgive, there's no rage in your heart, there's no anger in your heart. Know that these attributes only contribute to harden your heart.

• When you forgive, you will be able to face this person, again. Whenever you meet them, you will be able to smile at them, you will be able to continue your relationship as usual. Instead of bermasam muka, which leads to darken the heart, you choose to make things better, by what? by forgiving them. 

another quote that relates to yourself is:

"The best way to be able to forgive someone is to make sincere do'a for them"

Now tell me, when you're in anger, can you make a sincere good do'a to someone? No. The least do'a you could do is that you pray, hoping that Allah will give them hidayah or understanding, but are you sincere in making do'a to them? Or you're just too angry so you make sarcastic do'a? You know, these:

"Yelah, moga Allah bagi hidayah kat kau lepas ni bagi kau buka hati sikit .."

"Apa apa lah, semoga Allah bagi kau kefahaman ye"

No, it doesn't work that way. It only lead you to have more anger in your heart. In order to make sincere do'a for them so you could forgive them is that, you have to realise, people make mistake, and these people were sent to you to test you (notice how many times I use the word test), they were sent to test your patience, and they were sent by Him to you. and thus, this test could be one of His ways to purify you from your sins (bersangka baik dengan Allah), and of course you want your sins to be forgiven by Him right? and so, you need to forgive them and make do'a that Allah will grant them the understanding AND make do'a to Allah to grant you patience in dealing with human beings.

Now let me share you one hadith

In a narration by Al-Tabarani, Prophet Muhammad says:

“Shall I tell you something that will make your palaces in Paradise higher and that would raise you in degrees.”

They said:

“Yes.”

He replied:

“To be forgiving and to control one’s self in the face of someone who provokes you. To forgive a person who was unfair or unjust to you, to give someone in need who did not give you when you were in need and to keep contact with someone even though they did not reciprocate it.” source

and an ayat from the Quran

The Quran makes a connection between forgiveness (on our part) and our need for God’s forgiveness. For example in (24:22) “Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?” In other words if one wants God to forgive their sins then they should be understanding to other people’s difficulties and forgive them.  source

Ever heard of this;

"The stronger is the one who is quick to forgive"

But why? why the stronger is the one who is quick to forgive and not the one who asks for forgiveness? Because to forgive means to lower down your ego. The fact that you're denying you have ego is a sign that you're ego. Below is a video that I've watched years ago that has changed my ego level and I hope it will do the same to you, it's a worth-watching video.

Islam and ego by Nouman Ali Khan

With this, I shall let this video to be the ending of this post. I hope this post is beneficial for all of you. I really do.

And Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala knows best, till then, assalamualaikum lovelies :)

Feeling, an emotional state or reaction

When it comes to feeling, it's something we can't control. I believe feelings are from Him. It's there because of Him. because ya know, He's the One who holds our hearts. and the feeling won't be there if He does not allow it. It's there because He allows it to be there. I'm talking about positive feelings of course, not negative ones.

and feelings too can be deleted easily by His will and by His help. It's proven though. Long time ago, I once had this feeling to one guy, and my mother taught me to pray istikharah to see if he's the right person for me (that was the first time I prayed istikharah btw) and guess what, the next day, the burden that I felt in my heart was gone. The feeling magically disappeared just like that. From that I know he was not the one for me (thank God)

when it comes to feelings, just pray to Allah whether to make it stay or disappear. you can also pray to Allah to make the negative feelings disappear. This is because, according to the story told by Habib Ali, Rasulullah had a wife named Ummu Salamah (Hindun) and she was a jealous person. and so, Rasulullah prayed to Allah to take away her jealousy and she wasn't that jealous anymore after that. Please do not hesitate to correct me if I'm wrong about this story as this is what I wrote in my notebook.

As for me, when it comes to feeling, I will always depend on Him. Because I'm scared of getting my heart broken again. And I'm scared of falling for the wrong guy. You can pretty much say that I've had enough and I've learnt my lesson. and thus, whenever I start to even have a crush on someone, I will pray istikharah, and I will do it so many times until I get the signs from Him. Most of the signs that I get are through feelings.

One fact you should know about istikharah. When you pray istikharah, you're putting your trust in Him, you trust Him as your decision maker, you trust Him to make the best decision for you, and you want His help to know what is the best for you. Bottom line, you just trust Him.

I really wanna suggest you, especially girls to always pray istikharah when it comes to feeling. You don't wanna get your heart broken again don't you? so try to depend on Him. Starting with this :) and trust me, when you pray istikharah, you know that He's the One who will handle your affairs. So by that, if the guy that you're praying istikharah for, is not the right person for you, you'll be okay, because you've already put your trust in Him and you know he's not for you because He says so and He knows what's best for you. Who else knows you the best and understands you the most besides your Maker, right? ;)

Just make sure when you make istikharah, to use the do'a for istikharah. If you don't memorise it, you can just say it in your language :)

Just wanted to share something. I really hope it will benefit you :)

Men

I've had enough of men trying to tell us (women) that we should guard our modesty, we should cover our aurah etc. Now let me shift the focus to men.

Looking at men these days, with the influence of social networking sites and the advancement of smartphones, and the number of pretty women are increasing, I have doubts in trusting them (if inshaAllah I'll get married to one) regardless whether he's a practicing muslim or not.

Why? Because Rasulullah said the biggest fitnah to men is women. Yes, we should cover our aurah, yes, we should guard our modesty, yes we shouldn't upload our pictures on instagram, facebook, twitter etc.

But you, should lower your gaze. Stop putting the blame on women.

You should lower your gaze regardless wherever you are. I know it's hard. But it's gonna be easy IF you practice it and if you're determined to lower your gaze for the sake of pleasing Him. (that's a true practicing muslim)
and you should know that lowering your gaze does not apply when you are at the streets only. It should be applied to social networking as well.

By that I mean,
you don't follow random woman (strangers to be exact)
you don't follow and like and stalk and save their pictures.
even if they post islamic tweets or pictures or whatever, you know they're still gonna upload pictures whether it's their own picture or other woman.

And I know there are some whatsapp groups or so called halaqah group on whatsapp that have both men and women interacting with each other proclaiming that they're helping each other with their deen and helping each other to remember Him. Oh please, if you are truly a man of your deen, you will leave the group.

I'm sorry I just had enough of men telling us to behave. Maybe it's time for you to check on yourselves now.
This fitnah, this women is the biggest fitnah to men, does not mean that we (women) have to do the main role in making sure that you (men) will not involve in this fitnah. In making sure that non of us is involved, both have to be responsible in protecting and guarding ourselves from such fitnah. You have to behave and control yourselves, and we do what we are supposed to do.

I seriously don't feel safe in trusting men these days. They might seem religious or a practicing muslim or maybe not, but in their facebook twitter instagram account, they might follow random beautiful women and been feeding their eyes and nafs by looking at these gorgeous ladies and yet they're still telling women to cover their aurah and all that. [read: the word is might. so this cannot be applied to all men. maybe to some. read again, maybe to some]

You know, if you don't wanna see pictures of women on your instagram account or twitter or wherever, you can simply click on the unfollow button. It's as simple as that. It's up to you to do it or not.

I think I've heard somewhere or maybe I read somewhere, if a man can control himself before marriage, you can count on him after you get married to him. So yeah, just something that I feel the need to let it out of my chest.